The Lieutenant's Loss
by chalupahoopla
Summary: On the eve before Al leaves for Xing, Riza sits down with him to tell him a secret she has been keeping since she was a teenager. A secret that will change his life and her's forever. An AU set after the end of Brotherhood and pre-Ishval. Royai. T for safety.
1. Your Grandmother's Eyes

**(A/N:) Sorry for any inaccuracies. This is my first FMA:B/Royai fic, so be kind. Keep in mind it is an AU. This fic will probably be around three or four chapters plus an epilogue. **

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Riza sat quietly at the table outside of the cafe, sipping her tea. The warm early summer breeze swept her casual, dark green dress across the back of her legs. It was nice to be out of that starched uniform for once. There was no way she would let Roy see her in this dress though or else he would never let her take it off. She usually kept the dress hidden deep inside their closet for that very reason. She looked off into the distance, her vision gliding over the pedestrians enjoying their Sunday afternoon in downtown Central.

Her stomach was doing flips. She didn't know why she was so nervous. Her life had been in danger more times than she had count, many of those occasions she had faced with only one bullet left in the barrel. And each situation she had gotten out fine. Why did this moment scare her so much? She looked at the strawberry cake in front of her, but couldn't even think of touching it.

She felt a tap on her shoulder. "Miss Riza?" a voice said mildly from behind her.

She looked around as she from her seat, "Al," she exclaimed, a smile spreading across her face. He was in a brown suit, obviously made for travel. He towered over her as they embraced.

"Please, Alphonse, just Riza is fine," she said, pulling away from their hug, "You're old enough and we've been through too much for you to address me as Miss Riza."

Al blushed a little, scratching the back of his head, "I know, it's just that Winry still calls you that at home and I guess it just kind of sticks."

She motioned to the empty seat across from her. "Please sit down. I'm glad you made time to see me before you left for Xing. I still can't believe you're going to travel all that way."

"It was no trouble at all. I was just in the neighborhood visiting Mrs. Hughes and Elicia. I'm staying with them until my train leaves for the East. It's not very hard to believe at all. It's all in the name of knowledge and alchemy. And besides, I will be with friends. Ling has invited me to be his personal guest at his palace. I guess having an emperor as your friend comes with its perks. And then there is Mei and she's going to show me around her village and teach me alkahestry." His voice slowly increased with excitement, "just think of all the good we can do with all of the knowledge Ed and I are going to collect. We have the same goals as Brigadier General Mustang; we want to make not only Amestris, but the world a better place to live in." Alphonse coughed into his hand, "Er, excuse me, I'm doing it again, rambling on about our mission."

"No, I don't mind at all. I love hearing your goals. They inspire me to achieve mine." Riza smiled sweetly, "do you want to order anything?"

"Thank you, but I'm alright, I just had lunch with Zampano and Jerso, so I'm pretty full still. On the phone you said you needed to talk to me about something. Something important. Is there anything I can help with?"

Riza felt a lump rise in her throat. Well he got straight to the point. "Yes, there is something I wanted to say to you, but I'm not really sure how to put it." She paused, her heart raising too loud in her ears for her to think.

"Alphonse, do you know where your name comes from?" Riza asked quietly, eyes focused on her cup of tea.

Al adopted her suddenly serious mood, "No, now that I think of it. My mother died before I was curious enough to ask, I think. Why do you ask?"

"You are named after your great grandfather. And you have your grandmother's hazel eyes."

"What- how would you know that?" Al stuttered, "Riza, what are you talking about?" he demanded, his voice rising as his hand clenched around the napkin next to his placemat.

She finally looked back up at him, his eyes trying to read her face. "Your great grandfather's name was Alphonse Hawkeye. And I am your mother. Your real mother."


	2. Red Ink

Roy and Riza walked back to the house from the funeral in silence, the only sound was the rustling of the dead leaves skittering across the road in the cold autumn wind. The other funeral attendants had long past walked home and the dirt road leading to the house was empty. She put her hands in her jacket, fingering the little piece of paper with Roy's number on it.

Tomorrow he would be gone and all she would have left of him was that little piece of paper with a number she would never call. She would be alone, perhaps forever. Roy might die in the army and then she would have no one left. He was the closest thing to family she had now that her father was gone. She felt her eyes become hot with oncoming tears but she blinked them away. She wouldn't cry. Not now.

She felt another hand join her's in her pocket, pulling it out. Roy looked at her and smiled sweetly, "I'm sorry I have to be off to Central tomorrow. Bad timing." He winced, "I'll try to make it back between basic training and my state alchemy test, though."

"I see." The house started to appear in the horizon.

"I'm not sure how I'm going to pass though." Roy laughed nervously, "As great of an alchemist your father was, his apprentice will be nothing compared to him."

"Don't say that, I've seen how hard you've worked. You will become a state alchemist, I know it," Riza said, determined. He needed to become a state alchemist, for his own sake. Maybe if he would become a state alchemist, there would be a better chance he would survive. He would be more protected.

"You've always been supportive of me, Riza. Thank you for that. It makes me feel like my goals aren't insane." His voice lowered, "Come to think of it, you're the only one who has even heard my goals."

They reached the front door of the house and Riza took the keys out of her front pocket, to unlock the door. Why she ever locked it in the first place she would never know. The former flowershop was in the middle of nowhere and only people in the town knew they were there. The flowerbeds surrounding the front door strewn with the stems of flowers withered from the morning frosts.

The lock clicked and the door open to reveal a the cold, dark house inside. Riza shivered. Inside seemed colder than outside for some reason.

"I'm going to light the furnace," she said, moving towards the basement.

"I'll do it," Roy offered, "You go upstairs and rest."

"No, it's alright, it will only take a minute."

Riza descended down the stone stairs to the cellar, which used to be her father's old workshop. The walls were lined with bookshelves and the long table in the middle was decorated with various rulers and tools. She went over to the furnace in the corner of the room, which had since died down to mere embers, barely visible behind the grate. She opened the iron door and threw a few splintered logs onto the ashes and closed the door once more.

She remembered sometimes she would go down to call her father for dinner and he would just be sitting by the furnace, staring intently at the flames. He would be so focused on them, that sometimes he wouldn't even hear her come down until she spoke up.

Riza waited until the flames consumed the logs and adjusted the valves on the top of the furnace. She wiped the soot from her hands and straightened herself. Those flames were easily containable inside the furnace, content on just going nowhere but up into heating the house. Imagine if they could reach the books and the papers on the table. The whole house would burn down and with it, all of the things that were precious to her. Fire was so destructive and wild with the ability to obliterate everything in its path.

She climbed back up the stairs, all the way up to the second floor. Maybe Roy was right. She did need to rest after a day like today. The floor boards creaked in the familiar way they always did when she walked to her room at the end of the hallway. She walked past the closed door to her fathers room and then past the Roy's room. He was standing in the middle of the room, just staring out the window.

When he heard the her footsteps, he glanced at her over his shoulder. "Riza," he began.

"Roy, wait." She interrupted, "I need to ask you something." She said, entering his room and closing the door slowly behind her. The room seemed empty now, his things packed away in boxes in the corners. Even though this was the spare bedroom, Riza could never not see it as his room. He had been living their for three years, since he became her father's apprentice at fifteen. It even smelled like him still.

"What is it?"

"Can I trust you, Roy?" she asked softly, "With my father's research?" His eyes widened with the implications. She knew he would have never asked for it, even though he knew she had it.

"Riza," he began, his voice low, "You really mean you'll show me his research? Even though it was against his wishes?"

"Yes. But you have to promise you will use it to help the world and make it a better place. That is what you said."

"It's all I've ever wanted to do in life."

Riza nodded. "Then that's all I needed to hear." She walked to the opposite side of the room and turned facing away from Roy. Under any other circumstances she would have been embarassed, but she was far too determined for that. She rolled her jacket over her shoulders, letting if fall to the ground and then proceeded to lift her silk blouse out from her skirt.

"Wha-what are you doing, Riza?" Roy stuttered from behind her. She looked back at him. His face was red and confused, his hands lifted to his face prepared to cover his eyes.

"Just wait," she said cooly. She turned back around and lifted the blouse over her head, revealing the intricate design tattooed in reddish ink down her back. The air was still cold in the room and she felt her skin raise as it touched her skin. She heard Roy gasp from behind her. She only clutched her blouse closer to her chest.

"That's it... that is your father's formula for flame alchemy. He really did it. He completed the research."

"So you can understand it then? You can decipher it?" Riza asked. She heard his footsteps come closer to her. She could hear his breathing behind her.

"Yes, I believe I can. It's in an ancient language from an extinct civilization in the south, but your father taught me a little of it, well enough of it to get by. Not many people know it, in fact I wouldn't be surprised if I am the only one who can decipher it easily... " his voice trailed off. He laid a hand on her shoulder, causing her to flinch.

"I will need to copy it down, though. So I can study it."

She looked at him and nodded, "You must swear to burn the copy after you've learned it though."

"Of course, I swear."

She sat down on the stool next to the desk.

Roy cleared his throat. "Um, well, this might take a while. Don't you think you would be more comfortable lying down on the bed?"

Riza paused for a moment and then nodded again. "You're probably right. And you'll be able to see it better by the daylight."

She went over to the small bed and lay down on her stomach, arms straight down her sides. After making sure nothing was showing, she removed her blouse from underneath her. While she was doing that, Roy had already pulled the stool over and got a small, leatherbound notebook and pencil out from the draw of the desk.

He sat down at the side of the bed, taking off his the jacket of his uniform and unbuttoning the cuffs of his white shirt, rolling up his sleeves. "Are you ready?"

"Yes." Riza replied solemny, turning her head towards the window.

She was doing this for him. She needed him to stay alive, he was all she had left and this would make him indestructable. Even if she never saw him again, all she needed to know is that he was alive.

They sat in those same positions for what seemed like hours. Riza just kept staring out the window as the sky slowly dimmed. She couldn't recall the moment it became dark out, but at some point, Roy must have gotten up to light a lamp. The shadows flickered in the corners of the room, dancing to the constant scratching of Roy's pencil against the paper. The sound was almost hypnotic.

And then all of a sudden it stopped. Riza felt Roy's fingertips softly tracing over the tattoo, sending chills up her spine.

"Did..." he began, his voice tender, "did it hurt?"

"Only a little," she replied, "He did it while you went to Central to visit your mother and enlist. He knew he was dying and he wanted to preserve his work."

"He shouldn't have done that. He shouldn't have burdened you with this, he shouldn't have hurt you like this." He paused and said almost inaudibly, "_I_ wouldn't have hurt you like this."

"Roy," she started, but stopped as his fingertips were replaced with his lips as he kissed the small of her back gently.

"I'm so sorry Riza. I'm sorry to leave you like this. If I could take it back I would, but it's too late."

"Don't say that," Riza said, clutching the sheet to her chest as she twisted her body to sit up and face him. She put her hand on his face, looking into his dark eyes, "I'm going to be alright."

"I broke my promise. How can I look after you if we are apart?" He asked, searching her face.

"We both carry this burden now." Riza touched her back, "And as long as we both carry it, we will always be connected and it will always draw us back together."

"Riza, I," Roy began but hesitated, instead moving his hand behind her head and pulling her in, kissed her. His lips felt soft and gentle and although she was at first a little taken aback, she soon found she could not pull away. She dropped the sheet and put her hands around his neck, running her fingers through his hair and pulling him closer.

Their kiss intensified, and soon his mouth began to travel down her neck, his hands moving down to her back. At some point he must have moved off the stool and onto the bed. The room slowly grew dimmer as the oil from the lamp began to run out and the darkness consumed their forms.

* * *

Riza opened her eyes and the warmth of Roy's body next to her, the thin sheets were no match for the cold autumn air seeping through the walls. The dim early light cast a grey hue in the room. The sound of Roy's belt buckle must have woken her up as it clinked as he buckled it. He picked up his shirt off the ground and pulled it over his lean, toned body.

As he buttoned it up he looked over at her. "Oh, you're awake. Good. I have to catch the morning train in Resembool, but I thought it might have been to early to wake you." He finished tucking in his shirt and grabbed his coat from off of the desk. He sat down on the side of the bed and brushing her short blonde hair out of her eyes, kissed her cheek.

She closed her eyes, causing a hot tear to escape down her face.

"Riza, I will be back for you," he said, his face close to hers, their foreheads touching. "It's not just my promise. I want to take care of you. I need you to believe in me."

"I do, more than you can ever know." Riza said, her voice trembling. He took her hand and pressed it to his lips and then got up, the bed frame creaking from under him. His hand reached for the door knob.

"Goodbye, Roy Mustang." Riza said into the sheets. She could still feel the his kiss on her hand.

"Goodbye, Riza Hawkeye." He said, not looking over his shoulder as he turned the door knob and disappeared behind the door.

His footsteps faded down the hallway. "I love you, too," she whispered to herself.


	3. Silencers

**(A/N): Sorry for taking so long to get this chapter up. Also, sorry for any typos in the last chapter (I think there were a couple weird ones). I was going to go back and fix it, but I got too lazy. Go figure. Anyways, enjoy the chapter!**

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The cold of the metal table beneath her bare thighs sent a chill up her spine. She wondered what was taking the doctor so long. She knew she was healthy and fit, practically ready for combat. All she needed was their stamp of approval and she was off to basic training.

The curtain slid open, but instead of the tired, old doctor who had inspected her and asked her far too many questions, it was a middle-aged nurse. Was this another part of the physical? The nurse smiled, clasping her clipboard to her chest.

"Hello Ms. Hawkeye, my name is Nurse Spencer" she held out her hand for a handshake, "I've come here to talk to you about something that the doctor had noticed during your examination."

Riza suddenly felt sick and her immediately started racing with all the possibilities, "Well, what is it? What's wrong?" she implored impatiently.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but you will not be enlisting anytime soon. You see, I am the hospital's prenatal nurse. The doctor has found signs that you are in fact pregnant."

Riza's eyes widened as she caught her breath. "Pregnant?" she managed to ask.

"Yes, or so we suspect," the nurse replied calmly, "Now, I'm going to ask you some questions, but I need you to answer them to the best of your ability."

Riza could only nod.

"Now I see by your records that you are not married. Do you know who the father is or might be?"

Roy. The father is Roy. "Y-yes." Her heart started racing in her ears.

"And is the father present?"

"No, not at the moment."

"Now, what is your best guess as to when conception took place? The closer you are, the more accurate the due date will be.

The room was starting to spin and the only sounds she could hear were muffled. Pregnant? With Roy's child. It was impossible. She placed a hand on her stomach. Impossible.

"Riza, are you alright?" the nurse asked, placing a concerned hand on her shoulder, but Riza brushed it off.

"Yes, I'm fine," she lied, dazed. "I just need some air, excuse me." She grabbed her coat and leaving her dress sitting on a chair by the table.

"Ms. Hawkeye, we haven't finished you exam!" the nurse shouted as Riza pushed aside the thin hospital curtains.

Riza wasn't listening. She had to get out of there. She threw on her coat over the thin hospital gown and slipped on her boots, running past the bewildered nurses and doctors in the hallway.

She finally escaped the walls of the hospital, the cold autumn air striking her bare legs. It didn't faze her though. She just stumbled along the street for a while before collapsing on the bench.

What was she going to do? What could she do? She put her head in her hands as hot tears collected in her palms. Riza pressed a hand to her flat stomach. She didn't feel any different, but there was still something a little off. Something she had noticed in the past few weeks. She had just been feeling Roy's absence; a loss of security, but maybe it was this.

Her eyes were red and still rimmed with tears. Riza scrubbed at her face with the back of her hand and jumped up from the bench. No, she wasn't going to let her situation get her way. Somehow she would find a way to protect Roy. Even if it meant finding another way in.

Riza readjusted her trench coat, tightening the belt around her waist and instantly regretting leaving the hospital without getting dressed. That dress was one of her favorites. Her boots clicked on the pavement as she strode to the bank across the street. Once she got there she withdrew all of her money she had saved in the bank, savings she had gathered from working various jobs in East City. She also withdrew the money her father had left to her. They were never really rich, but he had managed to leave behind a small endowment in his will, as well as an additional sum of money from a mysterious grandfather on her mother's side.

She stuffed the bills into her purse, hoping it would be enough. She walked a good few miles to the merchant side of East City, where the artisans worked. She scanned the side of the street until she caught sight of what she was looking for. A gun shop.

After looking both ways, she crossed the street and entered the shop, the bell ringing at her presence. Rifles lined the walls on racks and the shelves were stocked with various pistols and handguns, while the more expensive items were housed behind cases. The shopkeeper was sitting behind the glass display case was a grizzled old man, with a rounded, stained belly and a greying scruff that looked more than a few days old.

He looked up from his folded over magazine and raised and eyebrow, "Can I help you, Miss?" he asked gruffly.

Riza walked up to the counter, placing her purse on the top, "Yes, I'm looking to purchase a weapon," she said cooly. She wanted to seem like she knew what she was doing.

The shopkeeper just stared a her, his eyes squinting, until wrinkles started to gather around them. A grin spread over his face and he slapped the table so hard, Riza thought he was going to break the glass, "Ha! Well this is new. It's not every day you get a pretty lady like yourself come in asking for a gun." He shook his head and chuckled again, "Rebecca!" He yelled through the door leading to the back of the shop, "Come out here!"

"What?" came a demanding voice from behind the curtain, "Can't you see I'm busy? I need to test out this new gunpowder before we put it on the shelves." The curtain was pushed aside as a young woman, probably around Riza's age emerged from the back room.

"Oh," she said, her voice becoming quieter and more polite, "I was not aware that we had a customer," she forced a smile and pushed the goggles on top of her head with large black rubber gloves. She crossed her arms over her heavy apron and smiled, "Is my dad bothering you, dear?"

"I am here to buy a weapon. Maybe two." Riza repeated. She realized how ridiculous she must look, a girl who barely just turned eighteen a couple of weeks ago and asking for a gun.

The shopkeeper glanced over his shoulder at his daughter and just crossed his arms.

Rebecca raised her eyebrows, "Oh. Well, I suppose here at Catalina's Gun Shop we live to serve our customers," she pulled out a sheet of paper from underneath the counter, "even if they are weird," she continued under her breath and pulling off her heavy gloves. "So, what kind of weaponry are you looking for."

"Oh," Riza could feel her ears become hot, "I guess I didn't think of that." Well, she needed to be able to shoot long-range if she ever needed to become a sniper, but she also needed a weapon for short-range if she ever wanted to become a soldier. "I need two weapons, I think. A rifle and a handgun," she put her hands in her pockets, "but I need your help on which ones. You can probably tell I'm not much of an expert."

Rebecca snorted, "No kidding. You're like a little girl looking at mommy's high heels through a window shop." She flashed Riza another smile and rounded the corner of the counter, looping her arm around Riza's elbow like they were old friends. "Come on, I'll help you pick something out. I only wish we were shopping for something normal like dresses or hats."

"Maybe another time," Riza replied quietly as she allowed Rebecca to pull her over to one of the walls covered with rifles. Riza was suddenly conscious of the hospital gown hidden underneath her trench coat. If she really was pregnant, she would need to go shopping for new dresses. None of her clothes would fit her anymore.

"Aha!" Rebecca exclaimed, letting go of Riza's arm in order to pull a rifle from one of the racks. She held hefted it up, looking through the eye piece. "This one is beautiful. It might be a little heavy for such a fragile looking girl like yourself, but it's sturdy and reliable."

"Hey!" Riza shouted, crossing her arms over her breasts, "I don't look fragile."

"Alright, dear, whatever you say. I'm thinking this one is the best option for you in the rifle department. Like I said, it's a good brand so it's reliable and it won't need much maintenance, which you obviously don't know how to do since by the looks of it, you've never even seen a gun, much less disassemble it and perform routine upkeep."

"I'm ready to learn. I'll get books and I will learn how to do this. I made a promise."

"Oh?" Rebecca raised an eyebrow, "You trying to impress a boy or something?"

Riza's face reddened as she shook her head vigorously, "No, no, that's not it at all, I mean, you see it's not like that-"

"I see, it's a different kind of promise, you promised to kill your boyfriend. What, did he cheat on you with some girl from the flowershop? Honestly, the nerve of some guys, I don't say I blame you and I would be lying if I said I hadn't made that very same promise before..."

"No, you've got it all wrong," Riza took a deep breath, "I'm trying to join the army, but they won't let me join just yet," Riza didn't know why she was telling Rebecca all of this. She had just met her. "So I am going to train on my own and become good enough until they have to let me in."

Rebecca just blinked at her, "Wow, to be honest I wasn't expecting that from you." She cocked the rifle on her shoulder and walked over to the window where the handguns were displayed, "But good for you, I admire your determination. Who knows, maybe I'll follow in your footsteps and leave this stuffy old shop. I'm tired of working for my old man; he never acknowledges how much of an asset I am to this shop." She stuck her tongue out at him over her shoulder, which he merely shrugged off and continued to read his magazine.

"Now let's see, how about this 9mm semi-automatic. It's just your standard handgun, really, but I think it's perfect for a beginner and it's not too complicated. And look at this woodwork on the side of the gun! It really adds some character to the weapon."

She handed the gun over to Riza, who turned it over in her hand, her fingers going over the gun's frame. It was certainly heavier than she had anticipated. She felt the cold steel in between her fingers as her hand almost naturally slipped into the trigger. The weight of the gun suddenly felt right, like her hand had been used to it the whole time.

"Yes, I really like this one." Riza said, still staring at the gun, "I will take both."

"Well that took a lot of convincing," Rebecca said pushing her dark pony tail back behind her shoulder. "Let's get you all checked out." Rebecca grabbed both the guns and took them behind the counter.

Checked out. Riza placed a hand on her abdomen. For a second she had almost forgotten. "Do you have any silencers?" she asked as Rebecca was filing out the paperwork. If she was pregnant... no. For now she couldn't keep saying if. This is her reality now and she couldn't keep living in hypothetical situations. She was pregnant and with Roy's child. Their child. And she had to keep it healthy and if she was going to be shooting guns, she had to protect its ears.

"Hm? Silencers?" Rebecca bit the end of her pen, "I don't know, we are really not supposed to sell those..." she looked at her father who just grunted.

"The only reason I'm asking is because I wouldn't want the people in my town to be startled by the sound of gunshots." Riza laughed nervously, hoping she sounded convincing. "If it causes you any trouble, I promise I can get you extra compensation for your pains."

At that, Mr. Catalina looked up from his magazine. "What was that I heard? Extra something."

"Oh be quiet, you cheapskate. I can get a hold of some, but at no extra cost than what they already are. Just because your my new friend."

Riza bowed her head, "Thank you, Rebecca. You don't know how helpful you've been to me."

"Hey, hey, I said no extra cost, but I never said it was free. You have to promise me that next time you're in East City, you have to come shopping with me. Real shopping."

Riza laughed, "I promise." Inside, she wondered if she would ever even see Rebecca again. Probably not. It was a shame, if they had known each other longer, Riza thought they would easily become good friends.

Riza paid in full for the rifle and the handgun, as well as a good stock of ammo and the silencers. By the end, all the merchandise was piled on the counter leaving Riza to wonder how she could carry all of that to the train.

"Uh, you guys don't ship weapons to in the East by any chance?" Riza asked, scratching the back of her head.

"As a matter of fact we do! Our trading partner is the Havoc General Store. All of our regional shipments go through there. For a small fee, we can have this order delivered to you."

"Good, let's do that. I live in a small village just a little outside of Resembool. Do you think they can ship it there?"

"Without a doubt."

Riza nodded her head and wrote her address on a slip of paper and slid it across the counter to Rebecca. "Thank you again for everything, Rebecca." Riza said, extending her hand.

Rebecca firmly grasped Riza's hand, giving it one firm shake, "Pleasure meeting you. I wish you good luck in the army." Rebecca smiled, "Maybe, I'll see you there! And don't worry about the guns. I will clean them extra well before I ship them out so you won't have to worry about it for a while."

"Thank you, friend." Riza turned to the door pulling the handle and hearing the same bell she heard when she came in.

"And good luck with that boy! I hope he's rich enough to capture your heart and if he's not then don't accept anything else." Riza exhaled and shook her head and with a wave, stepped back onto the city street again.

Well that was one thing that she could check off her list. There were still a lot of errands she had to do before she left the city and returned to her house. The air was getting chillier as the sky grew dimmer. She would have to stay overnight in the city at this rate.

She wasn't going to stop now though. She had to be like stone. She wasn't going to let her condition deter her from what she needed to do. At the moment she didn't have a solid plan, but she had plenty of time to think of one. Her stomach suddenly felt warm underneath her coat and she smiled. In any case, she would protect the baby and somehow she would find a way to get to Roy, even if she didn't know how she was going to do it yet.

* * *

**(A/N): Okay, so I just wanted to remind everyone that this is an AU. I have done my research and I know the timelines don't match up, so calm yourselves. It's just an interesting notion I had, that's all. Hope you liked the chapter! **


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